How to reach for what you want (and get it)
Developmentally speaking, we learn to reach first with our eyes and spine. Human babies are generally not born equipped with the sophisticated coordination and motor skill planning to find something they want and obtain it. At least not right away. Like anything else, it’s a skill we learn and polish over time, especially if we have support to try, fail, and try again. For better or worse, these learned movement patterns can become ingrained into our daily habits, affecting the results of our actions and our worldview.
Do you consider yourself to be clumsy? Have you ever gone “on auto-pilot” and done something without paying full attention, such as driving to work? Or to dive even deeper, were you ever told to “sit still” or “be quiet” (and how does it feel now to be loud or move boldly?) Most of us have these experiences but don’t realize the subtle impact they can have on everyday life. Social constructs such as culture, religion, gender, and race also play into this, sending us both overt and covert messages about how we should move. “Be a lady” or “man up” have all kinds of laden implicit messages that may govern someone’s behavior and either promote or inhibit their movement.
The great news, as always, is that your body is super smart. Thanks to studies of neuroplasticity and post-traumatic growth we know that we can change even deeply ingrained habits and attitudes, but it does take work, and is probably a lot easier with some help along the way. Here are a few skill-building strategies to consider and practice to more effectively get what you want:
Slow down and notice— the next time you literally need to pick something up, take a moment to pause and check in with your breath. Visualize or say your goal out loud, then notice what muscles you need to activate to accomplish that goal. Observe what happens. Does the movement come from your elbow? Deep in your back? How is your posture? What happens to your breath? Play around with reaching for the same object different ways and simply notice how it feels to move consciously and with intention. You may notice patterns, comforts, or discomforts right away! Several steps later, which may take time to build up to, is to apply what you’ve learned to more abstract reaches such as asking for a raise or repairing a ruptured relationship.
Get support— from the floor, from a friend, or from a somatic therapist like me! Support comes in a huge variety of forms, but a supported reach is more likely to succeed. Think of a cat getting ready to pounce. There is a deep connection to the ground and a push supported by gravity before muscles spring into action. If the cat remained rigid the whole time, it would lose power and flexibility. As a human, you can ask a friend to watch you reach for something, literally or metaphorically, and give you objective feedback. For more in depth support, work with a somatic specialist to explore different movement qualities for comfort and effectiveness. Try softening through the joints, aligning your spine, taking a breath in and out, or letting your heels drop into the floor before setting an important boundary.
Follow the energy— The implied second half of this equation is getting what you want/need after reaching for it. Does your reach, or your request, tend to wander and waver or bull ahead without considering peripheral factors? Do you tend to push too hard toward a goal and find yourself quickly exhausted? Once you arrive at the goal, do you hold it in a death-grip that limits flexibility? Have a tendency to literally or figuratively “drop it?” Do you find it difficult to let go?
These are all approaches and questions I have expertise facilitating via somatics and dance/movement psychotherapy. Intrigued? You can book a free 20 minute discovery call with me to reach for help! I’d love to lend you a hand!